Posts tagged: Chatty Cathying
It's so big, Cory. Everyone's gonna make fun of me when I drive it.
They're not gonna make fun of you! They're gonna love it. They're gonna look at you and say things like..."Cool...how many kids do you have?"
You know that Explorer in Janesville we've been looking at? No deal.
Oh no, why?
Because it doesn't have heated seats!
Hahaha, ok..I think you're being-
Dont, no, I know what you're gonna say-
White Whine?!
But this isn't a White Whine. It is not. Have you ever climbed in a car with leather seats in the winter THAT DIDNT HAVE HEATED SEATS IT IS THE WORST IT REALLY SUCKS you have to sit and wait for the car to warm up and just be COLD.
OMFG really? Definitely not a White Whine situation then. [sarcasm with a smile]
So I see you got a one-liter bottle, lush.
They actually had an economy size bottle that was, like, twice the size! But it was huge so...
Yeah we definitely don't need a bottle THAT big.
Totally, that's what I thought. We hardly drink anymore, right?
*nine days later*
Hey, who drank all the amaret--
We did.
This contract isn't signed. I need a signed contract or this customer's getting pulled.
Well. Huff! Noo. Can't I just sign it FOR THEM?
Of course not. What? How is that legal?
Well can't you just use their signature from one of their old contracts?
Absolutely no. I need a new signature.
There IS a new signature.
No there's not. We're not negotiating this.
[Faxes me a hastily signed piece of random paper with the words "I approve my contract" scribbled in pen]
Ok. What? Are you serious with this? You just wrote that yourself.
I love morning storms.
Me too honey. What else do you love?
Wakeboarding.
...ohh.
when we decide on a new color, can we just paint the shutters we already have? Or do we have to buy new ones?
it depends on the shape of the shutters.
oh. Are you thinking we might go with a different shape than rectangle? I didn't really think about shapes.
*Mutually confused silence*
...it depends what shape the current shutters are IN.
I'm already running late, I can't wait for the banana bread buzzer to go off in 4 minutes. Can you take it out in 4 minutes?
Yes.
Are you sure, because on Thanksgiving you said you'd take out the cornbread, and you forgot to and--
Honey! You can trust me. I'm not an idiot.
I know, it's just, the cornbread--
I'm not gonna do that again. I'm a changed man. Go! You're gonna be late.
Just listen for the buzzer. It'll go off in 3 minutes.
*TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER*
How's the banana bread?
...........
I'm so sorry.
Men. Can't live with 'em. Can't trust 'em with breads.
meet me in the produce department.
alright! lettuce do that.
I'll try to turnip on time!
me: are you ok dad? you sound really…hyper
dad: I’m great I took a 5 Hour Energy at 1 today so that’s why I’m hyper so it’s been about 4 hours so it should wear off in about 42 minutes I’m guessing
me: oh! I love 5 Hour Energies. I drank them all the time in college
dad: yeah I have a 5 Hour Energy 4…5…I’d say 4 or 5 times every week so that’s not that bad really, I buy them in bulk at Sam’s Club, I’d say I go through about 24 a month
me: ohh
Lightbulb: I’d been so worried about turning into my parents, it never occurred to me they might slowly be turning into me.
#joke!
Oh! Can we serve dinner rolls?
What? Dinner rolls?
Yes, I think we should do dinner rolls.
What the hell is a dinner roll?
It's dinner rolls. Like a dinner roll?
But what is a dinner roll?
It's a dinner roll! It's bread, and you cut it in half, and you put butter in the middle.
...are you talking about tea biscuits?
My future husband, people.
Have you thought more about our first song?
MMMBOP!
No
Hit Me Baby One More Time
No
Cowboys From Hell by Pantera
No
All My Exes Live In Texas by George Strait
No
Tearing Up My Heart by 'N Sync
No
This Guy is in Love With You by Herb Alpert
...
[sings entire song for me from memory]
[melting] That's the one!
Would you touch a penis for two Big Macs?
Big Macs aren't that good. But yeah.
This man is my future baby daddy and husband. I am in no way suggesting he will touch a male thingy for the sake of touching a male thingy. Rather, I am suggesting that he is a piggy and would do anything to get even a grody flame-broiled patty in his hands and belly.
Is Hawkeye one word or two?
Wha...what?
Is the word HAWKEYE one word or two?
One.
Okay! I've just never had to spell it before so I didn't know!
Overheard today. On the University of Iowa campus. A campus teeming with Iowa Hawkeyes. Iowa Hawkeyes who live in the Hawkeye state. Who live in the Hawkeye state and who bow before Herkey the Hawkeye at Kinnick or Carver Hawkeye Arena in their Hawkeye apparel from the local Hawk shop. And, Hawkeye. Just...Hawkeye.
Me: There’s a hole in this blanket.
Cory: Crap. Can you sew?
Me: We don’t have any yarn.
Cory: What the…?
via text--
I sucked up the spider with the vacuum hoes.
Our vacuum has pimped ladies?
