In 2011 I rang in the New Year in a strange suburb, tip-toed in the Pacific Ocean while Californians bundled up, wandered Vegas for 16 hours, tried my first turkey burger at the giant needle, missed a porn convention by one day, came home to a blizzard, moved, squatted, watched too much HGTV, started wanting a house, started wanting a job, got a house, moved, got a job, ate too many Cheetos during training, cost my company $30k in one day, cried in my cubicle, cost my company $32k the next day, laughed, took dance lessons with my dad, entered marriage counseling, planned a wedding, tweeted some stuff, learned the difference between Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger, got married, danced, bought too many Powerball tickets, ruined the radio knob in da Jetta ‘cause I stabbed it thrice with my car key, stormed a college town on Halloween dressed as an elder with 10 others, won first place at a costume contest, lost all the raffle drawings at work, dogsat, celebrated my first Christmas as a Mrs., found out the word “orgy” is in Catchphrase, thought seriously about getting a puppy, tried to break in to many silver Jettas that I thought belonged to me, and laughed til I cried on many a Wednesday girls’ night.

I am excited to meet you 2012! Don’t be a bitch.