Sorry I grimaced when you called the drunk girls getting naked in your dorm room “bitches” and also for mentally throwing up my PB & J all over your plaid Abercrombie shorts when I heard you say for the second time today “I’m a natural athlete”.

Barf,
Lindy

PS: The magic trick you described isn’t magic. This is a college town as slutty as they come. I could ask any girl in this computer lab to choose a card, any card, and get her to take off her crop top by telling her it’s the wrong card. Sorry you aren’t more special. Now go wait for the IT people to fix the paper jam from someplace far far away.