December 2010
16 posts
1 tag
Virginia of Newport, IL!
You would purchase my Environmental Science textbook from Amazon and pay thousands extra for two day shipping 10 minutes before I leave for California. You’re lucky I’m nice!
When it comes to Kit Kats I have literally no self...
This concerns me.
Why am I watching a horror movie while I sit home...
Oh because apparently this is my life post-secondary ed. This, and obsessively drinking Chai. Cue the chainsaw and me hiding beneath a blue quilt!
OH MY GOD TUMBLR BUDDY
I’ve never had Pomegranate anything because the word Pomegranate creeps me out. I don’t know. But, in the interest of my pre-New Years News Years Resolution, I recently opened a mysterious packet of Tumblr Buddy tea and oh em gee. I don’t usually engage in the excessive use of exclamation points, but this is fan-tastic!!!!!! It’s going to be really hard to stick to my...
ABCNews: Top FAILS of the Year: Bieber, BP
Work hard, write a book, do that swoopy thing with your hair, and endorse some nail polish, and you too could be universally roasted alongside the corporation responsible for the largest oil spill in the history of oil spills AND nail polish!
What????!
On McDonald's
I pass by 5 McDonald’s during my 30 minute morning commute to school each day. My commute, by the way, is probably 90% corn and soy bean fields and 10% civilization. Chew on that as you try to unravel the mystery behind the obesity epidemic, distinguished researchers and politicians. Nom nom!
Starbucks is full of people-watchers this morning.
Usually I do the people-watching. Today, I am being watched. This means one thing. I should make their time and potential blog post later today worth it. I should pick my nose and eat it, then grin at my pointer finger. Doin’ it. Just kidding. In their defense, I do resemble a person with dissociative identity disorder today. Whenever I read silently in my head, I move my lips around a lot....
1 tag
Ode to holiday bread
Pumpkin loaf, are you listenin’? Mid-Starbucks, my mouth is glistenin’. A beautiful day, my hunger’s at bay, snackin’ at the 1st Ave. location.
Kids
Kids are sweet when they’re not aiming their Super Soaker 10,000s at hot joggers and biting each other’s legs for want of Bugels.
I’ll probably have like 10 some day.
How to politely ask a man to pry his no-manner...
This is a Barnes and Noble Cafe—not a strip club on the SW side! Keep your eyes in their sockets, pal! Hippie jerk in a wooden booth….
How does Sonic stay in business?
I get stomach cramps just driving near it.
This is why I'm quitting Tumblr:
You have one day.
1 tag
I got it from my momma!
Many sleepless moons ago, it was easy to find a comfy mid-night refuge in Mom and Dad’s mammoth water bed. I’d quietly sneak through the door, lie down in between them, latch onto the comforter, and sink into a nice, dreamy sleep. But not before kicking my snoring father in his shins repeatedly, at my mother’s request. I feel pretty bad about this, but that old family tradition...
1 tag
I'm thinking of leaking a document to WikiLeaks
Either my own interpretation of “The Sound & The Fury”, which I’m pretty sure will change Faulkner’s legacy as we know it, or a pages-long analysis I did on the purported gayness of Sherlock Holmes last semester. Probably the latter, just ‘cause I meddled with that essay for days and days only to come to the conclusion that Holmes is not, in fact, gay for...
This chapter of my life will be titled "Loogies"...
3 tags
Something that shouldn't blow my mind but does:
This is the world, upside-down. But how can a sphere suspended in outer space have a “right side up” or be “upside-down”? How come north means “up”? Who defined “up” and who decided the Winkel Tripel map to be the end-all for maps? Why is the Western Hemisphere the Western Hemisphere? Since the Earth is spinning on an axis, couldn’t the...